Saturday, April 17, 2010

a few things

I'm not usually one to rant, but here are a few recent thoughts that have been bugging me:

If you're going out for a glass of wine, please keep the lipstick at a minimum. It's quite frustrating washing glasses that look like someone doctored them with oil paints.

A corkage fee exists for a reason: to cover operating costs and the deathly low markup that restaurants make on a carry in wine. It is also not waived with a 'twist off' cap or a tetrapack. If you have a problem with that, then opt for water next time. If you still have a problem with that, I can't help you.

If you're from my parent's generation, don't call me man, dude, or buddy, and proceed to talk about bongs, beer bongs, or anything else of the sort. Just because I'm young or have long hair doesn't mean I'm an idiot.

White wine has more sulfites than red. It's not the sulfur that's giving you the headache.

Don't feel ashamed when you get a sample of wine and swirl and sniff it in front of your friends. That's what you're supposed to do.

If you fall off your chair, knock over the water, or break a wine glass, don't be offended when I cut you off. Your slurred argument to me will get you nowhere.

Don't complain about the size of my pour. I measured it, twice.

If the price of a glass of wine offends you, then don't order it. I don't set the prices, so don't complain to me. If you're gonna be so damn cheap, then why are you dining out in the first place?

A wine bar is just like any other bar. Tipping is appreciated.

(Guys) Don't feel the need to tell me, with your chest puffed in the air like a mating duck, that you're not a 'wine drinker' as you chuckle expect me to think more of you. I love wine, you just offended me, and I'd actually love to pour you a glass or two that you will love. Open your mind for once.

Please don't pretend like you know everything about wine. You don't, neither do I, and you never will. Get over yourself.

Ask questions. The person in the wine-shop is there to help and would be thrilled to share some suggestions with you. Don't be shy, really. Unless you treat me like your insubordinate, I won't judge you.

If I had it my way, I'd be serving you in a flannel shirt and jeans. You'd be drinking wine from a tap in the vessel of your choosing (even a plastic cup if you wanted). You'd be sitting on a couch and the music would be loud and probably live. Maybe someday. I really am not a wine snob and I want to make drinking God's finest nectar enjoyable and easy for you. If you like it, drink it; It doesn't have to be expensive. Try new wines, especially when they're offered to you.